


I have never known peace

by Tirxmishu



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Trent is only briefly mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:06:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22926913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tirxmishu/pseuds/Tirxmishu
Summary: What will it take for the blue girls to have a break from everything just once? To finally act on how they feel?
Relationships: Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett, Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 3
Kudos: 100





	I have never known peace

It could have been an hour, or it could have been a minute or it could have been all day since they’ve been out here. Neither one of the girls kept track of the time, both lying supine under the shade of an elder tree. They were almost engulfed by the tall grass surrounding them and if it were not for the fact that they were holding hands, they would have been deaf to the other's presence.

“Beau?”

The other girl hums.

“Can I come closer?”

She hums again, this time more affectionately and then tugs the hand held gently in hers.

Before she came closer, Jester turns to her side, leans on her elbow and looks at Beauregard for a moment. The tiefling feels her heart beat deeply at the relaxed version of the girl beside her. It’s been so long since she’s seen her like this, completely carefree, ultimately at peace with herself and the world around her, unmistakably young. She smiles as Beau does. Even while her eyes were closed, Beau could sense Jester’s affection. The hand clasped over her own tugs insistently this time and she inches closer to comply with the silent request.

The human lifts her arm up, making room for Jester to snuggle up to her side. She resettles her hand on Jester's waist, holding the tiefling close. After waiting for a moment, she feels a gentle weight on her right leg as Jester throws her own over it and then feels an arm wrap itself around her mid-riff. Beau sighs contentedly, eyes still closed, nearly purring when Jester’s head settles under her chin.

Another day could pass while they were in each other’s hold like this and they would not have cared. It had been so long and this closeness was needed. They were starved for it. The tiredness in their bones called for an eternity of rest and comfort just like this one.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Beauregard waits, moving her other hand to place it gently over the one on her stomach. She traces the pads of her fingers over the scars she feels, heart aching at the need to heal the hurt, aching at the need to kiss these marks for being the trophies of Jester’s resilience. She rasps out, “Where are we?”

The question makes Jester frown, her thoughts getting blurry when she tried to focus on it too hard. Jester wraps her tail around their legs, “I don’t know.”

“How long have we been here?”

“I don’t know. Maybe 200 years?”

Beau scoffs, slowly blinking her eyes open. She flinches at the intensity of the sunlight beaming through the little spaces in the tree line extending above them. The gentle tickle of Jester’s hair near her nose almost makes her sneeze.

“I don’t know how long we’ve been here. But it’s nice to be here with you, Beau.”

The monk keeps staring at the rays peeking through.

“I think it’s been a while though. We should talk about what happened.”

Nothing but silence. Beau stops tracing Jester’s scars, instead spreads her fingers across Jester’s and intertwines their hands together, “How huge is this tree?”

The grip of the tail around their legs tightens, “Pretty big. It even has fruits on it. I drew a dick on the bark a while ago, which was very hard because we don’t have our weapons with us,” Jester stops, brows scrunching, “Speaking of which, where are our weapons?”

“I don’t know,” Beauregard processes, then double-checks what she heard, “Wait you did what? You drew a dick on the tree? How? Did you scratch it?”

“That’s not important, Beau. And yeah! I was like, thinking maybe the Traveler can help us figure out where we are, you know?”

At that, the monk goes quiet again. There is an itch at the back of her head, a faint reserve of intuitive knowledge that, if she tried to hone in on, could reveal important bits of information. Instead, she observes the tree again, “How big is this tree?”

“Why don’t you try climbing it to find out?”

Beau considers the thought, then shakes her head, “Nah.” She offers no other comment. There is only an overwhelming sense of calm. Which should technically have unnerved her but it didn’t. Maybe she was continuously using her Ki for a Stillness of mind?

She feels Jester tense and knows that the tiefling wants to prod about the situation further. The serene quiet continues and eventually, Jester chooses to relax instead.

After a while, Beau succumbs to the quiet, letting it lull her back into her previous hazy rest, this time made more comfortable by Jester’s comfort. Both girls close their eyes, neither sleeping nor truly awake at the same time.

“We died.” Jester sounded neutral, her voice somewhat distant and echoing in the air around them.

Beauregard pursed her lips slightly, trying her best to feel the gravity of the words settle in her head. She nodded, “Yeah, we did. We died.”

“Balls.”

“Hey now,” Beau chuckles, light and fresh, “don’t be like that.” She brings her hand that was holding Jester’s waist up to scratch the tiefling’s head gently, “This isn’t so bad.”

Jester sighs, lifting her head to gently rub the tip of her nose against Beau’s jaw, “Do you remember how it happened?”

“I don’t know,” she tries to concentrate, but it’s blurry. The events are muddled together, her thoughts begin overlapping. It felt like trying to swim in rough seas, the push and shove of waves of recollections kept on drowning her in deeper memory.

Jester moves to lie down at her side once more, leaning on her elbow. Her face is barely centimeters away from Beau’s, “You don’t know what you did?”

Blue eyes look into the lavender of Jester’s eyes intently, “Probably something stupid, if I’m going to guess.”

An exasperated exhale escapes Jester, then she shakes her head, giggling, “Probably, since we’re both dead.”

Beau smiles, enamored at Jester, at her mirth, “Do you remember?”

Jester stops laughing and faces away from the monk. When she finally turns to look at Beau, it is with an intensity that the monk never witnessed before, “Yes. Not much, but I remember enough.”

“How…did I— did _we_ die?”

A gentle hand settles against the side of Beau’s head, cradling her face against a cold palm, “It was Trent. I was cornered. I remember being so afraid of dying...until you jumped in front of me. Then, all I remember,” Jester sighs, placing her forehead on Beau’s, closing her eyes, “is being afraid that _you’ll_ die.”

The monk closes her eyes too and holds Jester, pulling her completely on top of her when she feels wetness on her cheek.

They stay like that for a while, until the tiefling stops shaking and the droplets cease to fall.

“I yelled at you to leave. You didn’t leave. You should’ve left.”

“I couldn’t,” Jester chokes out, feeling the tears build up again.

“Why?” Beau agonizes, tightens her grip around Jester, “Why didn’t you leave me there?”

Jester pulls back, the fury in her eyes burning Beau where she lay, “Why did you jump?”

Beau brought her hand up to wipe a stray tear off a blue cheek, thumb tracing the wet track. She bumped her forehead against Jester’s, shoulders easing at seeing the other girl relax at the action. It took her a moment to realize that if they would move a little bit closer, they’d kiss, “I think you know why.”

Instead of replying, or chastising Beau, Jester leans in to gently place her lips against her mouth, an action that Beau reciprocates gladly.

It felt foreign at first, unpracticed, like stepping onto the icy surface of a frozen lake for the first time. As they let things fold naturally, the more in sync they became. Soon, both were finely tuned in with how the other felt, participating in the kiss with equal push and pull. The hand that was firmly on the small of Jester’s back moves to join the other one curling around the back of her neck, bringing her in closer.

For Jester, the intensity of the kiss felt monumental. It reflected exactly how she felt. It’s not just fireworks or lightning striking across her every nerve. It’s stable and resolute, like the simplest form of being. It felt like truth.

Eventually, Jester pulls back, trying to sober herself while taking in a shuddering breath, “I can’t believe I’m finally kissing you.”

“Hey, no, it’s okay,” Beauregard shushes her gently, surging forward again. She is ignited, kissing Jester ardently, wondering how she waited so long to do this. It surprised both of them when she quietly laughed against Jester’s mouth.

The tiefling is out of breath, disappointed that they had to pause but endeared nonetheless, “What?”

“Nothing,” Beau is quickly grabbing again for the back of her neck, her thumb sliding along Jester’s jaw, “It’s just, I can’t believe I had to die for you to realize how much I love you.”

“What?” Jester acts mock affronted and smacks Beau lightly in reprimand when the other girl chuckles, “It did not take you to die for me to get that. I already knew. I always knew, Beau. I _love_ you.”

The monk hums deep in her chest, eyes hooding slightly, “Really now?”

“Yes, I was just waiting for you to make the first move, but,” Jester bit her lip, eyes glazing over with sorrow, “I guess we didn’t have as much time as we thought we had.”

“Hey,” She pecks Jester lightly once, “Don’t,” twice, “think about,” thrice, “what we lost.” After a deeper, more drawn out kiss, she continues her point, “We lived a good life, we brokered peace between two nations and more importantly, we kept our friends safe. Trent’s dead by now.”

“You’re right, we did live a good life, didn’t we?”

“The best.”

“And we did it together.”

“Yeah, we did.”

Smiling, they moved closer at the same time to share their love and now that they had infinity stretched out in front of them, neither girl was in any rush to stop. Time ceased to exist as they let themselves have this moment of companionship, the noises blurred, everything felt alright.

Everything felt alright, that is until they felt a low vibrational hum echo around them. Their first instinct is to stop, but they ignore it, simply thinking it’s just another one of the sounds in the afterlife that they have to get accustomed to. Eventually, the trilling echo intensifies and both girls have to get up, equally shocked at the sudden cacophony.

“What’s happening?”

Beauregard panics, feeling the itch of the familiar wood of her staff materializing in the palm of her hand, “I don’t know! I don’t know what’s going on!”

Jester brings her hands up to her ears to stop the piercing sound, her skin blurs, feeling static. They don’t have time to register the sudden twist and bend of reality, the rise of bright neon green light force, the painful feeling of their bodies being pricked with a thousand different needles around them. The tree behind then shudders once, powerfully, before they had to look away to shield themselves from the sensory overload. 

It ended as fast as it happened. The noise deafened, the pain trickled away and the lights faded. Slowly, they fluttered their eyes open, first registering the faint bits of ember floating in the air, then the smell of ash and soot. Jester coughed as she swallowed a particularly large piece of ash as she inhaled sharply in fear.

Beauregard patted Jester’s back, helping her ease the coughing, “What the fuck?! How the fuck did that happen?!”

The tiefling continued to cough hysterically, shaking her head as if to convey her own cluelessness. Eventually, she stopped and looked around at the rubble with Beau.

“Oh thank Gods! You’re alive!” they each felt a strong, muscled arm envelope itself around their necks. It seems that they were too out of it to notice anyone having had come this close.

The familiar weight snapped them out of their confusion and it was Jester who broke the tension first, “Fjord?!”

He pulled away, a hand on each girl's opposite shoulder, looking at them with glistening eyes, “Yes, it’s me,” he pulled them back in, hugging them tightly, “I’m so glad you’re okay!”

“Fjord, are you dead too?!”

“What?” He sat back on his heels, looking at Jester with confusion, “Dead? No!”

Beauregard looked over his shoulder with awed scrutiny. Was this a dream? Some sort of shared distortion in whatever place she and Jester were? Was Jester even real? What was-

“I used my Smite to banish you out of this plane.”

The tumultuous array of questions in her head didn’t cease and now Beauregard was wholly confused, “You banished us? No, we died when Trent— the explosion—,”

He looked serious, trying his best to snap Beauregard out of her daze, “Could have killed you if I hadn’t Smited you out of this plane. Remember my Banishing Smite? On Jourrael? It’s the same thing and it helped you. Now,” he grabbed both of their arms and tugged them up on their feet, “get your shit together, the rest need us. We haven’t won yet.”

With that, he turns and sprints in the direction of where the fight had seemed to be going down. Blazing fire engulfed the ground right in front of Fjord and they hear Trent’s maniacal laughter from where they stood. Following the sound, they see the old bastard facing Caleb, hands raised threateningly at him.

Beauregard didn’t have time to process this at all. She turns to Jester, hoping she knew what to do.

The tiefling felt Beau’s panicked gaze. She turns to meet her eyes and steps in close, bringing her arms around Beau’s strong shoulders. Getting up on the tips of her toes, she leans up to kiss Beauregard with all the passion she could muster in this moment of sheer unknowing. The monk didn’t react right away as she was still too shocked to do anything.

When Jester pulls away, she had looks wild and it's that crazed look in her eyes that gives Beau clarity.

“I don’t know what’s happening, but we’re going to roll with it, right?”

Beau nodded.

“Good. We’re going to kick Trent’s ass, then we’re going to talk about what happened. Right now, they need us. I need you.”

Beauregard feels herself being reassured because of Jester’s confidence. She breathes out a relieved sigh, before tensing up, this time with a different kind of energy. The kind of energy that lets people know that she could beat them to a pulp with a flick of her pinky, “Right,” she separates from Jester, taking in a deep breath, feeling more herself than ever, “Let’s do this.”

“Together,” with a flick of her wrist, Jester makes her giant lollipop weapon appear out of thin air in her hand.

Beauregard grins, flourishes her staff a little and winks, “Together.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Munn and is part 1 of his 20th birthday gift. You go, grandpa! Thanks for always being there to bullshit about Beaujester with me when we should be working. And for coming up with this fic idea after sobbing over "In a Week" by Hozier with me.  
> Also, I know that Banishing Smite causes damage and that's it's a single target spell but we're going to pretend that it safely AOE attacked them into one of Melora's Demi-planes.  
> Thanks and have a rad day!


End file.
